The Secret to a Long Marriage/A Sense of Humor Charms and Disarms

IMG_4555The hubster and I celebrated thirty-three years of marriage on Sunday.  I think that qualifies me to offer a bit of advice to all you dewy-eyed young things still wallowing in connubial bliss. (Not to be a Debbie Downer or anything, but sooner or later connubial bliss gives way to connubial arguments.)

In order to survive this eventuality, you must always maintain your sense of humor. Repeat after me. “A sense of humor charms and disarms.” Got it? It really is that simple. Let me share an example from my own life.

Nine years and three kids into our marriage, the hubster and I moved to a new town. An experienced Labor and Delivery nurse, I found a part-time job in the local hospital’s Birthing Center. The only catch was … I needed to orient to the job full-time for six weeks, jumping around on all three shifts as needed.

It was a recipe for disaster from the beginning. The hubster had no idea what he was getting into when he offered to take over as many of my responsibilities as possible, so I could start my new job. Up to that point in our marriage, he had not realized how much I insulated him from the day to day mayhem created by three exuberant youngsters and their daily destruction of the house (in sometimes as little as fifteen minutes).

It was enormously difficult for all of us, and tensions mounted exponentially until one fateful day five weeks into my orientation. That morning, just before I started my shift, the hubster had finally had it with making lunches, taking the children to school, skipping out of work to pick them up, friends, activities, laundry, dishes, homework, baths, etc … and he lost it. He had a temper tantrum of magnificent proportions. I’d never quite seen the likes of it before. I didn’t say a word at the time, but I was beyond miffed that he felt so “put upon” and he knew it when I slammed the door on my way to work.

Every spare moment of the morning during my shift, I contemplated how to express my disappointment at his deplorable behavior. Then it came to me.

I ordered a dozen long-stemmed roses from a local florist shop and had them delivered to me at the Birthing Center. I made a few alterations to the flowers, put them back in the box and asked the Unit Secretary to drop them off at my hubster’s office on her way home that afternoon.

(The rest of the story I know from the hubster’s office manager)

“Oh,” said the hubster when he received the box of flowers. “Probably an apology from my wife. She was mad at me this morning”

Smiling, he tugged off the box top to find a dozen thorny stems sans flower tops.

The office manager peered over his shoulder into the box. “I’d say apparently, she still is. “What does the card say?”

“The card says, “To the thorn in my side, Love your wife,” he read solemnly.

The whole office erupted in laughter, my husband included.

So you see, young lovers, (wherever you are) it is in your best interest to make your point in a humorous way and defuse potentially hazardous situations with comedy. By the way, you’re welcome.

12 thoughts on “The Secret to a Long Marriage/A Sense of Humor Charms and Disarms

  1. Thanks for the advice! We are almost 6 years in and humour definitely helps a lot. My hubs can make me laugh in any situation. It drives me crazy when I just want to be mad! But it works. 😉

  2. Splendiferously delightful! Thanks for laughter and big smiles–mine. Man, he’s lucky to have such a one as you! (You’d likely say the same for him, right? 🙂 xoxo

    • I’m not so sure he thinks he’s that lucky sometimes, but life sure is interesting with me around. Lol! xox

  3. Love it! Humor abounded in my household growing up & my hubby & I of 20 years do our best to follow my parents example. Although my dad had a distinctly unique way of disarming my Mom when she was miffed. They never yelled loudly, but if they did argue we always knew it because Dad would go sit down at the piano and play the chorus to “Your Breaking My Heart Cause You’re Leaving ” over & over until Mom finally caught on. Then would come the chuckles, hugs, & I’m sorrys. What do people do who can’t laugh at themselves!!! Happy Anniversary! ♡♡

    • I loved your mother and father so much! They were such a hoot and such a wonderful part of my childhood!

  4. Lois, you really have a way with words! We should put you and Keith together and see what you come up with. He also has a very humerous way with words.

    • I agree! Keith does have a way with words. We should put together a little book of the funny goings-on in our little Morrill neighborhood when we were growing up. Keith???

  5. I vividly remember this incident, since the hubster happened to be my personal physician at the time and I also worked in the Birthing Center with the writer of this story. I must have laughed for days about this.
    Happily, I am still friends with both of these wonderful people, and I hope they have many more anniversaries to celebrate!
    Love you Lois and Cliff!!

  6. Loved it!
    Now-here your mother and I are with 60 coming up this June- we can’t even afford the box! No, just kidding. Laughter is the spice of life that keeps a marriage alive without it, how drab it would be. As hearing fails (along with many other things) a new ” language” will bring many opportunities to laugh, I promise you.

    • There should be a prize involved with 60 years of marriage … like the government should give you money or something. I’ll write my legislator!

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