Ahhhh, the brown marmorated (veined or streaked like marble) stinkbug, the six-legged, shield-shaped little suckers who have invaded my attic during the fall and winter months for the last three years. Yeah, I got nothing good to say about them. When it gets chilly these small prehistoric monstrosities crawl through every crack and crevice to find warmth. 

Now before you say, “Can you blame them? You do live in New England?”, let me inform you that any creature living in my attic needs to be paying me rent or they shall be deemed a nuisance and dispatched to heaven posthaste. Although, I’m quite certain these demonic bugs are sent directly back to Satan upon their demise. (There has to be some justification as to why they are called “the devil’s thumbtack” in some European countries, and this seems to be the most likely conclusion).

The first time I saw a stinkbug was in January of 2016, it was flying around my overhead bedroom lamp with a frantic buzzing similar to an army of flies held hostage against window glass. After it landed, it seemed fatigued and not at all concerned that I was picking it up in a tissue. I soon figured out why it had such a laissez faire attitude because the defensive stench that poured out of it was amazing, and not in a good way.

Some people have likened the smell to cilantro. NOT TRUE. I happen to like the smell of cilantro. The odor from this scoundrel smelled like burning rubber with a hint of industrial chemical plant coupled with subtle undertones of rotting meat. 

After some Internet sleuthing, I determined I had an invasion of brown marmorated stinkbugs which seeped and dribbled out of my attic all fall, winter, and spring. I discovered this particular stinkbug is native to Asia and came over to Allentown, Pennsylvania in 1998 most probably via a shipping container or pallet. All the websites I searched seemed to be of the opinion that although stinkbugs have a needlelike mouth used to pierce the skin of fruit and plants, the little hellions don’t bite, or if they do, they bite defensively. 

Again, NOT TRUE. A few days ago I was sitting barefoot at my computer, minding my own business, when I felt something sharp stabbing the top of my foot. I flicked whatever it was off and looked at the tiny drop of blood forming on my foot. Then I saw and smelled the stinkbug, which had landed next to my dog who promptly ate the little sucker. 

Fast forward to a few minutes later, and me declaring war on the brown marmorated stinkbugs as I cleaned up dog puke. It’s on now, you little stinkers! 

I AM SICK TO DEATH of stinkbugs. I am sick of them buzzing me in the shower. I am sick of them on my computer screen and my television screen. I’m sick of them on my furniture and in my curtains. 

Which brings me to our other writer word of the week. I’m the most sick of their brown liquid frass (insect poop) that dries in tiny spots on my window and walls. I’m not sure if that many of you writerly types will be using this word in a sentence, but it’s a fun word to know. I’m putting it my arsenal of vague insults to hurl at someone when I’m upset.