Holiday Newsletter Extraordinaire / Stop Laughing. It Could Happen.


The partridge (missing half it’s backend) was the only unlucky one in our family this year.

 I have never written a holiday news letter before, but this is an excellent year to start. I hardly know where to begin, except to say 2015 has proven itself to be the best year ever! I MEAN…EVER! So here goes!

Greetings Family and Friends,

What a year! At the beginning of 2015, I had lasik surgery, and it turned out flipping fantastic. Not only has my vision been corrected to 20/15, as a bonus side effect, I now have x-ray vision. How incredible is that?! I’m so blessed and fortunate. I can now read books without having to open them!
I have gained nearly ten pounds this year, but that’s largely because one week after we completed our kitchen renovation, Wolfgang Puck showed up on our doorstep, offering to become our personal chef. How could we turn him down? (Believe me, I was as surprised as you are!)
You’d think that would have been the end of our good luck streak for the year, but you would be wrong. Two days after releasing my first middle grade fantasy book, Rafe Ryder and the Well of Wisdom, Johnny Depp, Robert Downy, Jr., and Peter Dinklage began wooing me for the book’s film rights. They had all read the book and fallen completely and hopelessly in love with it. How could I choose between them?
I took a drive to clear my head, and, as luck would have it, Ron Howard bumped into me with his car on his way to his home in Vermont. There was no damage done, but being the sweet man he is, he wanted to buy me lunch, and we discussed my dilemma with the actors. I gave him a copy of my book and within four hours of receiving it, he called and offered to buy the film rights. (No one says no to Ron Howard. I mean, really … how could I refuse him?)
Ron also insisted on introducing me to his good friend, Oprah Winfrey, who immediately ditched Gail King to become my bestie. (I know, I’m speechless too!) I’ve always, always wanted to be Oprah’s best friend.
To make a long story short, the hubster and I are now filthy rich.
Together, he and I decided the best and most responsible thing for us to do, considering our advanced age, was to move to England and buy that cute little castle we’ve had our eyes on since … like forever! We have twenty-eight servants and staff, but I have yet to see any of them as the castle has two-hundred and sixty-five rooms.
Those of you who know me well, know how much I value humility and to go on any longer about our good fortune would not be in good taste.
So that being said, the hubster and I wish you a happy, healthy, prosperous New Year! The hubster hopes you’ll be blessed with the same good fortune as us, or at the very least, the same wild imagination that his wife has. (Yeah, good luck with that, people. None of you would last five minutes in my noggin.There’s barely room for me here, but … it’s a really fun and happy place.)

P. S. I can neither confirm, nor deny, there may have been some spicy eggnog involved whilst writing of this letter. (I feel comfortable using the word whilst now … you know … because of owning the castle in England and all.)