Slug Patrol

I despise creepy, crawly, slimy things that lie about in their own goo which is why I really hate slugs.  Well… that and the fact those greasy little lumps of flesh can consume forty times their weight in food overnight.  This year they’re well on their way to turning our backyard paradise into a wasteland.

Exhibit A

Exhibit A

We’ve had so much rain that those slippery suckers have become amazingly audacious; they aren’t even trying to hide anymore.  (See exhibit A.) They ate all my basil, put holes in my hostas, chewed my begonias and have started chowing down on my parsley.

Every morning and evening I go on slug patrol.   I pick the ooey-gooey creatures off the plants, take them across the road and pitch them as far down the hill as I can get them.  As you can imagine, this is time consuming and very annoying.

I’ve tried every non-violent way humanly possible to rid the yard of those pests, but my slugs are extremely talented and have even managed to find their way around copper flashing.  I can’t bring myself to squish them, or use salt or pesticides on them because that just seems cruel.

However, out of sheer desperation, I may soon consider offering them beer if they’re determined to keep up their sluggish tomfoolery.  I’ve given this quite a bit of thought, if I were a slug, that’s the way I’d want to go…drunk as a pirate on my way to Davey Jone’s locker.  Hey, it’s preferable to being eaten by a snake.

16 thoughts on “Slug Patrol

  1. Funny, I just saw a House Hunters where the woman was terrified of slugs. She wanted a yard with no trees just to be sure. Not sure what the trees had to do with except maybe the shade.

    Good luck with the beer.

    • It must be the shade. The first time a slug climbs a tree and falls on me, I’ll be moving.

    • These slugs are getting on my last nerve. I just picked 52 off my plants with tweezers an hour ago. *shudders at the thought of all the yuckiness*

  2. Ah, slugs…loathesome creatures. But where is the part about how they inspire your writing? Is their “goo” analogous to a writer’s words? Or perhaps their slow and steady approach to demolishing your garden provides a model for how you approach your work? 🙂

    • Whoa! Very impressive Rhiann! You are a deep thinker and I like it!

  3. Oh my gosh, I know what you mean!! Slugs are nasty. I was in California hiking not that long ago and what did I stumble upon? Yup… You guessed it. Lol… Gross banana slugs. Disturbing…they are.

    This is my first visit to your blog. I will definitely be back! 🙂

    • Ugh! Ugh! Banana slug!!! I’m happy you came to visit Devin and look forward to seeing you again!

  4. You never know what your subject matter will be next!
    Leave it to you to take a slimy subject and put a smile on a person’s face!

    • If I couldn’t find the humor in life’s little situations, I’d be crying in the beer instead of offering it to the slugs.

  5. they are truly pests! The “happy hour” so I am told will catch them-me “a -salt’em”. Remember the leaches we used to catch at the lake?

    • Yes, but didn’t the leaches mostly catch us???? Leaches are even more horrifying than slugs!

  6. If you don’t care to waste perfectly good beer on slugs, look online about how to create a similar slime-bucket-delectable-drink with yeast. Tell us what you decide and how it turns out, k?

    • I will look into that Ramona. Thanks! I wasn’t going to offer them anything imported, just the cheapest stuff I could find on the grocery store shelf.

  7. Beer. Those. Suckers. Up.

    I’ve only seen a slug in person once, and that was after a heavy rain when I lived in Tennessee. I walked out my door and saw it stuck, at eye level, to the wooden pillar on our porch. I shuddered, took a picture, and walked past.

    • I find their slime so revolting. I need a gardener or at least someone who likes doing slug patrol.

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